Windows to the Soul

Unless you are buying a new window, you must live by the maxim: window shopping is from the Devil.

The Evolution of Equality

The Theory of Evolution cannot co-exist with Equality.

Half Way

In my estimation, whoever made "Is the glass half empty or half full?" the primary test for positivity was only about half smart.

Host and the Hosted

Good guests are willing to help themselves. Good hosts make sure they never have to.

Purity

If you want to stay pure: when alone with a girl in a car, never climb into the backseat and as much as it is within your power, never let her sit in front.

Absolute Power Corrupts

You've heard it said, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely" but I tell you that just a little power corrupts most men.

Don't Mention It

Preachers, don't let mentioning the name of Jesus be equated with teaching about Jesus.

Closed Eyes

A closed Bible on the shelf is like closed eyes on the freeway.

Big Bang Theory

I dont know if the world started with a big bang, but I know its going to end with one!

Apeman

I don't believe in Evolution, but I do think some people descended from apes.

American Dream

The American Dream will never die...if only because Americans will never wake up.

The Leaving and the Left

The man who leaves for another woman will be left for another man.

Straddling the Fence

The man who straddles the fence deserves to land on his groin.

Hugs and Kisses

If a man loves his daughter, he will hug her and kiss her and keep other boys from doing so.

The Bark and the Bite

A bark and strong word, a bite and sudden strike. One causes a momentary flinch the other can cause a lifetime of fear.

The Big 3

The lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh and the boastful pride of life are very different. As different as wood, fire and gasoline.

Practice What You Preach

The theologian who puts his theology into practice will not be a theologian for long.

Corrective Theology

Corrective theology is like radiation treatment: it gets rid of the cancer but leaves you bald.

The Road to Hell

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Actually, no road is paved with good intentions.

Boast

A man who boasts in his education is like the guest who comes to your home and compliments your lovely foundation.

Abuse of Power

A man is abusive not because of his past experiences but because of his present power.

Homophobes

Homophobia. Do not be fooled, because a man resists or even abhors a thing, does not mean that he fears it.

Say Money

In my experience, freedom of speech is a great way to make money.

Apathy

My son, be careful not to replace patience with tolerance and tolerance with indifference.

Escape

Men will pay any price for entertainment and even more to escape responsibility.

Private Rebuke

My son, if you embarass a man in public he will return for revenge but you can break his arm in private and still gain a friend.

12 Steps

Whoever said first, "Once an addict, always an addict," was trying to make money.

Inward Outward

There is an ugly, ego-centric pride for which we call a man "proud." But let there be no mistake: an introverted, self-conscious man is no less ugly, ego-centric or proud.

Inalienable Rights

Every man has certain inalienable rights...except those that don't.

Love and Splendor

It is true, love is a many splendored thing...and never found on the first date.

Hot Dogs

My son, notice the ways of the bitch in heat...all the males come to her side. So it with the unfaithful woman. Do not be fooled, she will not loyal to you either.

Gentlemen and Ladies

My son, as much as you are able, pick up the tab, hold the chair, open the door and take her hand. Not because you are a gentleman but because she is a lady.

Late Bloomer

A woman who must make herself beautiful will also make her husband late.

Gold Digger

My son, if you love her only for her beauty, she will love you only for your gold.

Pursuit of Happiness

Do not be fooled. The Pursuit of Happiness and the Pursuit of Money are not the same pursuit.

Contentment

No man is wealthier than the man who is content with what he has.

Poverty

Before a man can complain of poverty, he must make certain he is not there by his own efforts.

On the Sleeve

A husband may hide his emotions and a wife may wear hers on her sleeve...but neither has to.

Depression

Most men become depressed not because of what happens to them but because of what they do.

Made Up

My son, if you meet a woman covered in cosmetics, beware. She is hiding more than her face.

Political Fools

Be very careful who you call a fool, especially if you voted for him.

Product of Our Environment

When we were kids, we fervently tried the excuse, "...but everyone was doing it!" To which our mother rebutted, "If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?" And this is the question we should ask of the man who says he is only a product of his environment.

7 Habits

I've found the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to be the easiest habits to break.

Dirty Jeans

My son, she may love you even with your dirty jeans and wrinkled shirt, but don't make her have to.

Equality and Tolerance

"Equality and tolerance" is the new social morality and we live in an immoral society.

Slang

My son, avoid cliches and excessive slang. Make clear, concise communication your goal.

Church and State

There is such a thing as the "separation of church and state" but do not be fooled, God is not separated from either.

Love and Obedience

Love is best when love is in obedience to the command, "Love Your Neighbor."

Skill and Talent

I've seen a skilled man with no talent and a talented man with no skill...and wanted neither for my doctor.

Dull is Dull

Education sharpens the wit of the witty man but makes a dull man even more so.

Liberally Conservative

Do not say "I'm a liberal" or "I'm a conservative" unless, of course, you lack enemies.

The Proof is in the Pudding

A wise man believes God exists, a fool needs more proof.

The Love of Failure

Divorce comes not because people do not have love but because they decided not to.

High Mindedness

Determine now never to put yourself on a pedestal...except to change light bulbs and such things like that.

Two Simple Things

My son, do two things without being asked: bring home flowers on Friday and take out the trash.

Pushed to Greatness

A son pushed too hard to greatness may never be great...though he will be greater than his father.

Right Responses

When falsely accused, hold your tongue. When rightfully accused...apologize.

Welfare Lunch

If a man will not work, don't let him eat. Unless of course, society has been sufficiently taxed to allow him this rest.

Confidence

A man will be confident only when he has the ability to fulfil his responsibilities.

The Greatest Expense

My sister, it is easier for a man to walk 5 miles, uphill, against the wind than to shop with his wife.

Tickled Ears

My son, a man who tells you what you want to hear intends to take what you do not intend to give.

Reasons for Divorce

There are two main contributors to divorce: him and her.

A Christian Nation

No nation today is a "Christian Nation." Least of all the one who says it is.

Call no man...

It is true, call no man "father"...except Dad.

The Able

When a man is in the depths of despair, he should not trust for help the one who is willing but the One who is able.

A Higher Foolishness

A fool says in his heart, "There is no god," but our education system says it aloud.

Hide & Seek

God is like a man who plays "hide & seek" with small children. He is not found unless He wants to be.

The Lazy Workaholic

The lazy man may even be a workaholic. Yes, we will call him lazy if neglects his family.

Skins Game

My son, when a man takes pride in his skin color, he is driven to anger when others do not share his pride.

Procrastination

Never let it be said that Americans are procrastinators. I have often heard it asked, "Why put off until tomorrow what can be bought on credit today?"

Getting Started

These are some random thoughts I've had over the years...condensed.